whenever i wake up, i feel as i am another person, somebody much taller and about fourty pounds heavier. i don't know why, but i can't shake the feeling that i'm being followed by a small, South American tribal village. everywhere i go, people recognize me, except they think i am someone else. i just sign the autographs and take donations. last year, i spent fourteen dollars on junk food in the first four minutes after my u.n. resolution to ban mcdonald's. i'm looking forward to tomorrow.